Have you ever been to a Telemark Festival? It’s a unique blend of skiing, genuflecting, and usually drinking, possibly with a bit of falling over and making a fool of yourself, and definitely consisting of a lot of fun. Suzanne and I met at the last of the Braemar Telemark Festivals way back in 2005. Braemar really was a very well organised telemark festival and it is a pity that it is no longer on the calendar, it only ran for six years but it was legendary in that short time. I think that the poor snow cover and global warming was the killer. Having met at a telemark festival we thought that it might be nice to try to visit them all and over the last 20 years we have slowly been working our way round them.

“What is a telemark festival?” I can hear you all asking. Well, it’s a celebration of all things telemark. It is often over two or three days of a weekend, with registration on the Friday night, followed by a few beers and a good band in the hall where you register and pick up your goodie bag. Saturday is getting together with your fellow telemarkers for some skiing, some lessons, or competitions, often lunch is included as part of the ticket. There is usually a dinner on Saturday night followed by a bit of a party. Sunday is more of the same. There are stalls set up by various brands to allow you to try out their kit: Scarpa boots, 22 Designs bindings, and Inwild Meidjo bindings are usually well represented. This gives you the chance to try out the latest in boots and bindings to see which you prefer before you make that purchase. It’s an expensive business buying ski gear and you can justify the price of the festival ticket alone by buying the right kit!

After Braemar our first telemark festival was in Kleinwalsertal in Austria, it’s a finger of Austria poking into Germany from the south, but access is only from Germany. This was another well organised event and it just so happened that it coincided with our wedding anniversary – good excuse for a trip. We flew in to Freidrichshafen and the village at that time ran a free minibus from the airport to Kleinwalsertal, a journey of about 2 hours. The festival kicked off on the Friday night then ran through Saturday and Sunday before we caught the minibus and a flight back on the Monday. We have also been to the Valtourneche Telemark Festival in Italy which was a one-day affair or two days including a rather boozy overnight for some of our Italian hosts! From the start at a mountain hut at the top of the mountain it involved a “race” down to a mountain restaurant, stopping en-route for a cup of wine from the udders of a cardboard cut out cow, over a three-foot wall built of snow and ice, still wearing your skis, and a short skate round a fir tree to ring a large bell with your ski pole.

We then enjoyed a very Italian 3-hour lunch with wine, before the prize giving. The prizes were only given to the ladies and they were definitely not PC! The race officials and stewards were the local Polizia! Two years ago, we visited Livigno for the “last” La Skieda week-long telemark festival. This year it had been revived as a Thursday to Sunday event which should work out well and a lot easier on the organisers. It is called Pliemas and will hopefully be regular event on the telemarking calendar.

It seems that telemark festivals might be slowly on the way out. I’m not sure if that’s an epitaph for the old telemarkers or telemarking? If so that would be a real shame as they are really good fun and a chance to ski with like minded souls. Let’s face it, telemarking is pretty niche; it is more difficult than just strapping on a pair of alpine skis, but, it’s a lot more graceful and much more fun than sliding down on two parallel planks.

Free The Heel French Style

This time we were in France for the Black Shoes which by reputation is one of the biggest telemark festivals, this year there are about 400 telemarkers attending. It is held at the end of the season in Tignes as a celebration of telemarking and a party for the locals who all come out and support the event. It is a very French affair and you’d be well advised to brush up your schoolboy french before you head over to Tignes. I used Google Translate on the Black Shoes website and it gave me a feel for the event if not an accurate description.

Registration is on the Friday night which is followed by a few drinks in front of the bar of one of the organisers. The drinks are not advertised as part of the program but everyone but us seemed to know that was where the action was. We found it on the way back to our hotel for dinner and enjoyed a few aperitifs.

We picked up our goodie bags at the Friday registration and we found inside a Black Shoes Ski Tie, a couple of Black Shoes Stickers for our skis, a Black Shoes Pin Badge, a plastic Black Shoes Beaker complete with a strap to hang it round your neck (which came in very handy over the weekend) and a Black Shoes Beanie replete with a head lamp to find your way home in the dark.

Smurfs On Skis – When Black Shoes Turned Blue

Saturday is a big event with everyone dressing in fancy dress, this year’s theme was “The Smurfs” and with 400 participants there were some great costumes on view. Winner overall was “Anthony and Cleopatra”, complete with roman chariot. Yes, on skis! There were ten guys who skied onto the deck at the Grand Motte dressed as a chain gang with their “boss” mounted on a horse. They then gathered in front of everyone and started skipping with the chain; I do need to mention here that they all still had their skis on at this point. There were a few token Smurfs in the fancy dress parade, though none of these were as entertaining.

After a long lunch the afternoon consisted of a “human slalom” down from 3000 metres which proved an entertaining and a very tiring ski down. It was a long ski down with hundreds of human slalom poles and no respite till you arrived at the end to take your turn as a pole! Then it was back to turn after turn to the Val Claret base.

Sunday morning was given over to a “Classic” race. Over 18’s first then a junior event for the under 18’s. Registration for the race was on the Saturday night, not as in the programme on Sunday morning. Again, once you’ve been you know! The race is followed by another very French lunch with oysters and wines at the Bollin Restaurant above Val Claret. We skipped the oysters, took the Tufs chairlift up to the restaurant at the Toviere for a Caesar Salad before we skied back down to the Bollin to join in the fun for the afternoon. In the Toviere restaurant we sat next to an Italian couple and since they were wearing tele boots started chatting. It seems that they too did not enjoy oysters and were doing just the same, a nice lunch before joining in the festivities!

What festivities they were, we arrived down in time for the benediction by “The High Priest of Telemark” complete with biblical robes and trappings. He worked his way through the crowd with a large vat of white wine giving sustenance to everyone in the crowd. This was followed by the prize giving for the best costume and the races. After that the music was turned up load and the partying started.

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